Around The World In 80 Waves

Later in the day I drive to Mauna Kea which is the highest peak in the Pacific. When I arrive just as the sun goes down the park ranger suggests I shouldn’t go all the way up to the top at 13,796ft or 4,205m because it might be too challenging for my non 4×4 rental. I heed his advice and spend the evening at the visitors centre hanging with a load of astronomers who show me:

• Orion Nebula
• The Andromeda Galaxay
• Jupiter and its moons
• Brilliant images of the current crescent moon

All of which are amazing from such a great vantage point. We also see loads of shooting stars as well as the International Space Station. This picture of the Orion Nebula is something I have lifted from the net but it looked exactly like this. It is a brilliant night and the sky is so clear you can see so many stars, but that also means it is not the warmest as I settle in to sleep in my car for the night. As usual I wake up well before dawn, but quickly decide to grow a pair and have a go at the mountain in my hire car in the darkness. The road is like the corrugated surface I spent so much time bumping along on my Sahara Surf trip but it is also at a 45 degree gradient to spice things up. There is only one solution I must go faster, and it seems to work. :o)

I get to the top and am there on my own with only the selection of huge telescopes for company for about an hour. All the fantastic buildings look like something out of Star Wars. It is a mind blowing experience.

I pause at the UK’s own Infrared Telescope whose funding has recently been cut in favour of something newer in South America. (You can use it for £250,000 a year if you are interested.)

Before too long a group arrives and lieterally shuffle off into the pitch black towards the adjacent hill blowing a conch shell horn to guide each other through the darkness. Once they reach the summit there is a Polynesian guy performing a ceremony for the sun on the peak (without realising it I later discover that I have happened to stumble across the winter solstice completely by accident). It is eerily silent apart from the haunting sounds of his conch horn and his cries into the night. The closest I can get to describing it would be to think of the Maori Haka without the aggression, and with a great deal more deference thrown in.

The sunrise eventually comes and it is epic, don’t you think? After snapping away for ages I have to descend the hill and realise that in a manual car I would keep it in low gear for the huge descent so as not to allow too much speed to build up, but in the glorified dodgem I am driving that is easier said than done. No matter I bump all the way down the awful surface without incident and realise that it is Saturday morning and I am so overdue a fry up it is criminal. I head towards Hilo (which is actually a place as opposed to an option on a fruit machine) on the east coast for breakfast and note with interest the waves breaking on the shore.

On my travels I spot this back pack and say hello to the bloke carrying it. It turns out his dad is the Welshman and he comes from Welshpool where my Grandfather’s brother was the town solicitor. Wales being what it is he knew my Great Uncle Elwyn Roberts. Small world

Another early start sees me pleased that the world hasn’t come to an end as predicted in my sleep, which means that I’m off to the worst signposted airport in the world to get a flight to the Island of Hawaii, which is almost universally known as Big Island, because it is when compared with the others. Another exercise in patience at the rental desk and I am away touring the south coast. Most of the Hawaiian Islands you could get around in a few hours, but this one is certainly much bigger. I enjoy the rugged coast road west before turning north and head for Kailua

As I travel down the road I go through the town of Captain Cook, named after the first European to visit the islands, which is somewhat ironic because he was killed and possibly eaten at the next town along when he returned some years later! Would you like fries with your legendary British navigator?

You wanted pictures of bikinis, so here is a picture I took of the side of the bikini shop. To be fair the outfits you see here are actually quite demure compared to what the locals wear. Enjoy!

We stop off at the Oheo valley to see the sacred pools and waterfalls there, as well as hiking alongside the river. That I missed Niagara is no longer an issue because I see about 20 waterfalls on this day as well as taking a stroll through an amazing bamboo forest. You tell me which one is best? I can’t decide.

My passenger is excellent company, but a great navigator she is not, so after an elaborate journey to find Hawaii’s oldest temple in the afternoon ends up with me being faced with this section of road. Regular readers will know I didn’t pay the insurance and will therefore understand the quandary of whether or not to risk crossing this after taking several hours to get here, with the potential for mangling the car as it goes over the falls like a stuntman in a barrel at Niagara. Obviously I decide it I very doable and go for it, crossing the waterfall without incident only to find that the temple was closed upon reaching the other side. Doh!! Never mind it was an amusing end to a stunning day.
Maui is so picturesque. Nothing I post will do it justice.

I am only on the island for a few days so plan on using this overly expensive car to maximise the things I see whilst here. A lady called Katje (not a spelling mistake, just the spelling she decided would make her unique) answers my offer of a lift on the hostel noticeboard and the two of us set off at 5am to get to the summit of Haleakala in time for the sunrise which should look just like this:
However the reality is it looked like this because of all the mist. It is a sleeping rather than dormant volcano so I chuck a few rocks into the crater in an attempt to spice things up, but to no avail because it is obviously harder than I think to start a fight with one, so we carried on along our route heading south and then eastwards on the coast road to have at least taken in East Maui whilst here.

The lady who runs the hostel recommends this break if I am a good surfer. After Haleiwa on Oahu I am not so sure that I am and it takes me a good while looking at the sets coming through before I man up and decide to paddle out. The break is just down the coast from the infamous break at Peahi known as ‘Jaws’ which you can see being surfed here. I don’t know who is the bigger maniac in this photo, the surfer or the helicopter pilot? Keep in mind that the chopper is in the foreground and you get some idea of how big the waves can be here. It wasn’t that big but the waves were definitely the biggest I have been in so far on this trip. I would say double overhead on the sets, but I always get accused of hyperbole.
Maui is obviously aware that this is going to be my only session on the island so pulls out all the aces. Massive peeling waves, several turtles, a seal and a double rainbow are all provided so as not to be outdone by Oahu. The waves are very chunky and everyone in the water is lining up along the bottom of the cliffs where the wave breaks first, which is a bit keen for me on my first time in the water here. As usual there are rocks about but we are so far out to sea that I’m not too concerned about it.
After watching the waves roll through for a few sets I decide to go for it. Thrashing away to build up enough speed to get in front of one of these monsters I’m giving it everything I’ve got. As soon as the board starts to slip down the face I’m up straight away and tucking low to deal with the speed I build on the drop and the massive bottom turn I’m carving out to the right. Pumping the board to build up speed I’m charging down the line, all the while oh so conscious of the monster chasing me to the shore. I get out in front then stall to tease the wave it can catch me but then take another huge drop and am off again riding it all the way to the reef near the shore where I decide bailing off the back is my best option. Now that was a Hawaiian wave!! I’m almost sparking I’m so stoked and paddle back out for more.
I chat with a local guy called justin who is completely dialled in to this break and is shredding everything coming through. He is a really friendly guy, who tells me about this holiday villa he has built which I can stay in. I have a gift for sourcing Gucci surf residences, so when we chat in the car park later he gives me a few cards and am not surprised that his place looks like another gem. If only I had the time to take advantage of it. I can definitely recommend it to anybody else though. Check it out:

After a handful of monsters I get out because it is getting dark. I score some beers called ‘Big Wave’ that are brewed by the local Aloha brewery on the way back to the hostel and bounce my way through every conversation that evening because I am so happy. A good day.

I am getting a bit hacked off with all things to do with American cars. The vehicles themselves are sluggish and cumbersome so are rubbish to drive. They lock the doors on you and your passengers as you drive along making you look a bit Jimmy Saville, but then only open the driver’s door when you unlock them, leaving everybody else out in the rain until you let them in by unlocking the car twice. They beep at you over just about anything, including the door being open when you are stationary.  The hand brake is a pedal where the clutch should be, and I have to knee myself in the face to use it. As you can tell I am not impressed.

To rub the salt in upon arrival in Maui I get stung for $600 to hire a Nissan saloon for three days and I only get that after kicking off because they tried to palm me off with a Kia hatchback. I am Mr Grumpy at the counter and clearly not their favourite customer of the day. Cheeky buggers also want me to pay another $300 for a collision damage waiver. Nearly a $1000 to hire a crap car for three days!!!! I could by two boards for that price. I somehow manage to hold back on telling them the second word is off and that they can figure out the rest themselves, however do tell them that it is kind of them to consider me but on this occasion I will pass their kind offer of the additional insurance. As a consequence please can you all keep your fingers crossed to ensure I don’t have any issues over the next few days on Maui’s twisting roads? The joys of USA’s free market economy means there is a $ sign on everything (all of which seem to double the nearer to Xmas I get) and I am haemorrhaging money whilst here, so do not need any more chunky bills.

I drive to Pa’ia on the North coast of Maui which is a counter culture hot spot that appears to be full of hippies. I get a dorm bed at the Rainbow Surf Hostel fairly easily after making a few calls whilst loving the café I have found in town which sells PG tips cups of tea. On the way to my hostel I stop to give one of the local hitch-hiking space cadets a lift up the hill to try and change my mood. She takes me on some magical mystery tour into the darkness way past my hostel to find the static dance class (Can anybody tell me what that is?) she has heard about, but doesn’t know where it is. After half an hour I’m tired and want to kick her out but it is my good deed for the day and I’m hoping there will be some karma payback further down the line. We eventually find it so I drop her off and then race back down the hill to check in just before reception closes. After a chat with a few people I freshen up and then crash out because I’m shattered.

Returning the car turns into a pain. Apparently there are servicemen only petrol stations in the USA and I cause a lot of grief and use up all my spare time once I have waited patiently in line to fill the car up only to be sent packing.
Having handed it over to the rental company, I have had enough of Honolulu for one day so rather than heading into town and settling in as planned for a few days I march up to the Hawaiian Airlines ticket desk and ask where their cheapest inter-island ticket will get me.
I’m off to Maui. However I look like a tramp and am still wearing the wet surfshorts I was in the sea with a short time ago. I am getting changed in the line to drop off bags all of which is amusing to me and the other normal passengers.
I have a few hours to kill so go up to the roof of the car park to dry off, shadily drink the couple of beers I have left over and book a hire car. I get treated to the best rainbow yet.

Get up early and head for Haleiwa on my way to Honolulu. The peak is already crowded and the standard is high so I can see I am going to have to bring my ‘A’ game. It is head high and peeling beautifully.
I get straight out and keep finding quiet spots so I can catch one only to turn around a find myself in the middle of a mob each time a wave comes through. Thee are plenty of good surfers in the water and I am not getting a look in. I paddle out so I get a clear run at a few but am too far out to catch them, so paddle in only to find myself right in the impact zone and am then washed all the way in to the shore. I’m then stuck inside learning very quickly how to duck dive my new board under the waves but above the rocks until I eventually get through the peak. I’m dying to catch one because they are walling up and looking like a sweet ride in the sunshine.
The reality is that I can’t even get a look in and am being snaked by teenage girls (not a euphemism) who keep pinching every ride I line up.
I have to get to Honolulu to return the car so reluctantly paddle in catching a rubbish broken wave on the way in. I get up and do a few turns if only not to blank here, but even if it does complete my personal triple crown it is tad lacklustre and wholly unsatisfying.
Never mind there will be more waves on the horizon and I have already hit 10% of my objective for the year.