Around The World In 80 Waves

I am getting a bit hacked off with all things to do with American cars. The vehicles themselves are sluggish and cumbersome so are rubbish to drive. They lock the doors on you and your passengers as you drive along making you look a bit Jimmy Saville, but then only open the driver’s door when you unlock them, leaving everybody else out in the rain until you let them in by unlocking the car twice. They beep at you over just about anything, including the door being open when you are stationary.  The hand brake is a pedal where the clutch should be, and I have to knee myself in the face to use it. As you can tell I am not impressed.

To rub the salt in upon arrival in Maui I get stung for $600 to hire a Nissan saloon for three days and I only get that after kicking off because they tried to palm me off with a Kia hatchback. I am Mr Grumpy at the counter and clearly not their favourite customer of the day. Cheeky buggers also want me to pay another $300 for a collision damage waiver. Nearly a $1000 to hire a crap car for three days!!!! I could by two boards for that price. I somehow manage to hold back on telling them the second word is off and that they can figure out the rest themselves, however do tell them that it is kind of them to consider me but on this occasion I will pass their kind offer of the additional insurance. As a consequence please can you all keep your fingers crossed to ensure I don’t have any issues over the next few days on Maui’s twisting roads? The joys of USA’s free market economy means there is a $ sign on everything (all of which seem to double the nearer to Xmas I get) and I am haemorrhaging money whilst here, so do not need any more chunky bills.

I drive to Pa’ia on the North coast of Maui which is a counter culture hot spot that appears to be full of hippies. I get a dorm bed at the Rainbow Surf Hostel fairly easily after making a few calls whilst loving the café I have found in town which sells PG tips cups of tea. On the way to my hostel I stop to give one of the local hitch-hiking space cadets a lift up the hill to try and change my mood. She takes me on some magical mystery tour into the darkness way past my hostel to find the static dance class (Can anybody tell me what that is?) she has heard about, but doesn’t know where it is. After half an hour I’m tired and want to kick her out but it is my good deed for the day and I’m hoping there will be some karma payback further down the line. We eventually find it so I drop her off and then race back down the hill to check in just before reception closes. After a chat with a few people I freshen up and then crash out because I’m shattered.