Around The World In 80 Waves

You wanted pictures of bikinis, so here is a picture I took of the side of the bikini shop. To be fair the outfits you see here are actually quite demure compared to what the locals wear. Enjoy!

We stop off at the Oheo valley to see the sacred pools and waterfalls there, as well as hiking alongside the river. That I missed Niagara is no longer an issue because I see about 20 waterfalls on this day as well as taking a stroll through an amazing bamboo forest. You tell me which one is best? I can’t decide.

My passenger is excellent company, but a great navigator she is not, so after an elaborate journey to find Hawaii’s oldest temple in the afternoon ends up with me being faced with this section of road. Regular readers will know I didn’t pay the insurance and will therefore understand the quandary of whether or not to risk crossing this after taking several hours to get here, with the potential for mangling the car as it goes over the falls like a stuntman in a barrel at Niagara. Obviously I decide it I very doable and go for it, crossing the waterfall without incident only to find that the temple was closed upon reaching the other side. Doh!! Never mind it was an amusing end to a stunning day.
Maui is so picturesque. Nothing I post will do it justice.

I am only on the island for a few days so plan on using this overly expensive car to maximise the things I see whilst here. A lady called Katje (not a spelling mistake, just the spelling she decided would make her unique) answers my offer of a lift on the hostel noticeboard and the two of us set off at 5am to get to the summit of Haleakala in time for the sunrise which should look just like this:
However the reality is it looked like this because of all the mist. It is a sleeping rather than dormant volcano so I chuck a few rocks into the crater in an attempt to spice things up, but to no avail because it is obviously harder than I think to start a fight with one, so we carried on along our route heading south and then eastwards on the coast road to have at least taken in East Maui whilst here.

The lady who runs the hostel recommends this break if I am a good surfer. After Haleiwa on Oahu I am not so sure that I am and it takes me a good while looking at the sets coming through before I man up and decide to paddle out. The break is just down the coast from the infamous break at Peahi known as ‘Jaws’ which you can see being surfed here. I don’t know who is the bigger maniac in this photo, the surfer or the helicopter pilot? Keep in mind that the chopper is in the foreground and you get some idea of how big the waves can be here. It wasn’t that big but the waves were definitely the biggest I have been in so far on this trip. I would say double overhead on the sets, but I always get accused of hyperbole.
Maui is obviously aware that this is going to be my only session on the island so pulls out all the aces. Massive peeling waves, several turtles, a seal and a double rainbow are all provided so as not to be outdone by Oahu. The waves are very chunky and everyone in the water is lining up along the bottom of the cliffs where the wave breaks first, which is a bit keen for me on my first time in the water here. As usual there are rocks about but we are so far out to sea that I’m not too concerned about it.
After watching the waves roll through for a few sets I decide to go for it. Thrashing away to build up enough speed to get in front of one of these monsters I’m giving it everything I’ve got. As soon as the board starts to slip down the face I’m up straight away and tucking low to deal with the speed I build on the drop and the massive bottom turn I’m carving out to the right. Pumping the board to build up speed I’m charging down the line, all the while oh so conscious of the monster chasing me to the shore. I get out in front then stall to tease the wave it can catch me but then take another huge drop and am off again riding it all the way to the reef near the shore where I decide bailing off the back is my best option. Now that was a Hawaiian wave!! I’m almost sparking I’m so stoked and paddle back out for more.
I chat with a local guy called justin who is completely dialled in to this break and is shredding everything coming through. He is a really friendly guy, who tells me about this holiday villa he has built which I can stay in. I have a gift for sourcing Gucci surf residences, so when we chat in the car park later he gives me a few cards and am not surprised that his place looks like another gem. If only I had the time to take advantage of it. I can definitely recommend it to anybody else though. Check it out:

After a handful of monsters I get out because it is getting dark. I score some beers called ‘Big Wave’ that are brewed by the local Aloha brewery on the way back to the hostel and bounce my way through every conversation that evening because I am so happy. A good day.

I am getting a bit hacked off with all things to do with American cars. The vehicles themselves are sluggish and cumbersome so are rubbish to drive. They lock the doors on you and your passengers as you drive along making you look a bit Jimmy Saville, but then only open the driver’s door when you unlock them, leaving everybody else out in the rain until you let them in by unlocking the car twice. They beep at you over just about anything, including the door being open when you are stationary.  The hand brake is a pedal where the clutch should be, and I have to knee myself in the face to use it. As you can tell I am not impressed.

To rub the salt in upon arrival in Maui I get stung for $600 to hire a Nissan saloon for three days and I only get that after kicking off because they tried to palm me off with a Kia hatchback. I am Mr Grumpy at the counter and clearly not their favourite customer of the day. Cheeky buggers also want me to pay another $300 for a collision damage waiver. Nearly a $1000 to hire a crap car for three days!!!! I could by two boards for that price. I somehow manage to hold back on telling them the second word is off and that they can figure out the rest themselves, however do tell them that it is kind of them to consider me but on this occasion I will pass their kind offer of the additional insurance. As a consequence please can you all keep your fingers crossed to ensure I don’t have any issues over the next few days on Maui’s twisting roads? The joys of USA’s free market economy means there is a $ sign on everything (all of which seem to double the nearer to Xmas I get) and I am haemorrhaging money whilst here, so do not need any more chunky bills.

I drive to Pa’ia on the North coast of Maui which is a counter culture hot spot that appears to be full of hippies. I get a dorm bed at the Rainbow Surf Hostel fairly easily after making a few calls whilst loving the café I have found in town which sells PG tips cups of tea. On the way to my hostel I stop to give one of the local hitch-hiking space cadets a lift up the hill to try and change my mood. She takes me on some magical mystery tour into the darkness way past my hostel to find the static dance class (Can anybody tell me what that is?) she has heard about, but doesn’t know where it is. After half an hour I’m tired and want to kick her out but it is my good deed for the day and I’m hoping there will be some karma payback further down the line. We eventually find it so I drop her off and then race back down the hill to check in just before reception closes. After a chat with a few people I freshen up and then crash out because I’m shattered.

Returning the car turns into a pain. Apparently there are servicemen only petrol stations in the USA and I cause a lot of grief and use up all my spare time once I have waited patiently in line to fill the car up only to be sent packing.
Having handed it over to the rental company, I have had enough of Honolulu for one day so rather than heading into town and settling in as planned for a few days I march up to the Hawaiian Airlines ticket desk and ask where their cheapest inter-island ticket will get me.
I’m off to Maui. However I look like a tramp and am still wearing the wet surfshorts I was in the sea with a short time ago. I am getting changed in the line to drop off bags all of which is amusing to me and the other normal passengers.
I have a few hours to kill so go up to the roof of the car park to dry off, shadily drink the couple of beers I have left over and book a hire car. I get treated to the best rainbow yet.

Get up early and head for Haleiwa on my way to Honolulu. The peak is already crowded and the standard is high so I can see I am going to have to bring my ‘A’ game. It is head high and peeling beautifully.
I get straight out and keep finding quiet spots so I can catch one only to turn around a find myself in the middle of a mob each time a wave comes through. Thee are plenty of good surfers in the water and I am not getting a look in. I paddle out so I get a clear run at a few but am too far out to catch them, so paddle in only to find myself right in the impact zone and am then washed all the way in to the shore. I’m then stuck inside learning very quickly how to duck dive my new board under the waves but above the rocks until I eventually get through the peak. I’m dying to catch one because they are walling up and looking like a sweet ride in the sunshine.
The reality is that I can’t even get a look in and am being snaked by teenage girls (not a euphemism) who keep pinching every ride I line up.
I have to get to Honolulu to return the car so reluctantly paddle in catching a rubbish broken wave on the way in. I get up and do a few turns if only not to blank here, but even if it does complete my personal triple crown it is tad lacklustre and wholly unsatisfying.
Never mind there will be more waves on the horizon and I have already hit 10% of my objective for the year.

It has been raining all day and it is pretty grim on the North shore so I decide to head over to the drier west side of the island to catch a great sunset and hopefully get a wave. Everybody said it would be flat but I’m game to have a look anyway. Makaha was Oahu’s first big wave spot as surfers moved out of Honolulu after the local waves got destroyed or change by development of the coast in the middle of the last century. They were charging twenty footers here long before Greg Noll charged at Waimea or Gerry Lopez owned Pipeline. It is a break I have wanted to surf since hearing Bear talk about surfing twenty foot waves alone there in Big Wednesday, which is my favourite film of all time. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hFH3q5bz1Q) It was written and directed by avid surfer John Milius who also wrote the screenplay for Apocalypse Now which is the reason for surfing appearing in that film too. (“This is Charlie’s break sir.” “Charlie don’t surf son”)

Now thankfully it isn’t twenty feet but is about waist high, super clean, there is no wind, the sun is shining and I have the break to myself. I cant believe my luck. I paddle out and straight away notice the rocks which are everywhere, but don’t dwell too much on it because every beach is like that here. I catch loads of fun little rides at a break which is quite possible the prettiest place I have ever surfed watched by tourists sunbathing on the beach. There is a full rainbow over the beach as I look back and scenery beyond that is stunning too.

Eventually a yound local bodyboarder comes out and tells me I am going to surf into the reef. Salient advice because the as I paddle for the next wave the reef sucks dry and I am faced with a massice rock in front of me with nowhere to go. I try to grab my board and pull it back but only succeed in getting my hand trapped between the advancing board and the rock splitting open an inch long deep cut on the back of my hand. Owwwwwww!! It bleeds quite profusely so rather than sit there effectively chumming the water and attracting the men in grey suits I get out with blood dripping off my arm. However it looks worse than it is, and thankfully my sister armed me with a quality first aid kit so I can just tape it up without having to attempt DIY stitches.

Regardless I head back to the hostel fully stoked to have bagged this legendary break and I am little proud of the scar I will have to prove it. I get back to find our chalet is where to find the party this evening, which is a great way to end my time on the North Shore. Sad to have to say goodbye to so many friends already, particularly the girls who have been such great company:

The swell has dropped again this morning so head to one of the Sorth Shore’s most reliable spots after checking out Sunset and Ehukai. It is another long paddle out and Laniakea works from knee high to triple overhead, but was only chest high today. I bag a hat full of waves and am havng a great time until a mental Japanese surfer stacks his longboard next to me. His board flies up in to the air and lands on my head! Having caught enough waves and successfully recreated the attack on Pearl Harbour I decide to get out for lunch.

This is a photo I found of Sunset online. The only relevance to my own session was the distance we had to paddle out to the break. I went with the girls, Kyle and my new room mate David from California. Kyle and Alexa sit this one out while the three of us paddle out to Sunset at sunset. Very excited because it is a legendary break, but also a bit dodgy. It is extremely rocky and I scrape my fins a couple of time just paddling out (note to self: try very hard not to fall off there!)

After the long paddle out we take up station in the line up and wait for waves. I would love to say this session was all rainbows, mermaids and dolphins but the reality is that it was dark, grey, very windy and bucketing down with rain. The sun was very much going down so it was getting dark, and there was not very much daylight left at all. I take one drop on the waves which were only chest high catch a rail and then stack it, thankfully without hitting anything. It is competitive and I see a few drop ins which in these conditions are crazy.

I look back at the land and can see that all the cars on the Kamehameha Highway now have their lights on, and am aware that fish feed at night including the ones with teeth so am just about to paddle in when either a seal or sea lion pops out of the water about 5 metres away. I cant say which because I was too busy having a heart attack to do a full anthropological study! The expletives I fill the air with from the shock of something breaking the surface scare it off and I am somewhat unsettled by the whole experience so decide to paddle in. At least I didn’t blank.