Around The World In 80 Waves

Not in a Nicolas Cage and Elizabeth Shue sort of way, but I need to get away from this place and return to the coast where I can satisfy the craving for my real vice of surfing.

In the end I have stayed an extra night in the hotel because it costs about the same as a hostel bed at the coast, but the private room does not entail sharing with any of the mental health patients I have met so far along the way. The luxury of high sped internet, a bath and a double bed are also too much of an added temptation. I’m not sorry about missing the Sunday night rush back to LA either. I will travel back once everybody else is at their desks on Monday afternoon

However I spend a great deal of time on the extra day catching up on myself, doing a little bit of car maintenance, sorting out some admin and planning the rest of my time in the US. I spent so much time in the hotel room the staff may have been beginning to wonder if they have another Howard Hughes on their hands.

As I set off for the Californian coast once more I can’t help reflecting that the shortest queues I have seen all week are the ones at the cashiers where people convert their winning chips back to bank notes. What are the odds on that?

After taking part in an organised Vegas Crawl last night my head hurts. However I am pleased to report that I have all my teeth and no tattoos, that I did not get married in an Elvis chapel, and that there was neither a tiger nor a baby in my hotel room when I woke up this morning.

It was Saturday night in Las Vegas and I dont know how many of those I will have in my life so I headed for the Hard Rock Cafe on the strip where the crawl was starting. I was given a name badge and told to put my Vegas name on it. I chose Simon Cowell, finally giving in to the overwhelming statements of ‘Hey Rob, do you know who you remind me of?’ which I have encountered since landing at JFK airport in New York. It seemed to go down well with the people I met out of the 220 who were on the organised crawl.

After an hour there we moved on to the Coyote Ugly bar at NewYork-New York, and from there on to Tabu at MGM Grand, which is where I took this picture. After that it was the Bagatelle Club at Tropicana, where I was diappointed that the drinks were not in fact free.

The final stop was LAX at Luxor Hotel but I didnt stay long because I was already quite hammered. I caught a taxi home without any brushes with ladies of the night.

Although a beer is the last thing I want right now I feel I have to offer praise to US beer in general, which has been surprisingly good everywhere I have been. There are loads of micro breweries making delightful Indian Pale Ales and in all the beers I have consumed I think I am yet to have a poor pint.

That Newcastle Brown Ale has been sold everywhere in all the cities I have visited as an exotic foreign import beer in the same vein that at home a Czech, Belgian or American one might be is quite amusing. It is what I started my drinking career with back in the eighties.

A lovely bar maid called Traci I was chatting up earlier in the week told me I should go see Red Rock Canyon which is only a few miles outside of Vegas. The voyages of Dr Doolittle continue and it comes as no surprise that I see this Mountain Lion near the visitors centre. That it is dead and stuffed is not that important, because I am told that there are plenty of them about and I should hope not to encounter one. I have some personal experience with big cats, but they are more impressed that my cousin Christopher catches lions for a living (www.wildconevents.co.za) than they are with my explanation on the Beast of Sydenham (http://www.standard.co.uk/news/hunt-for-beast-of-sydenham-7249671.html) from the neighbourhood of my flat in London.

There is plenty of other things to be mindful of though. I can hear, but do not see, a rattlesnake while walking on one of the trail paths, and decide that not hanging about might be best. I’m aware that there are scorpions all over the place too. I am just too slow to get a picture of the Coyote who runs off into the brush as I approach. There are also golden eagles and bald eagles nesting in the rocks.

Despite all this the only thing to get a warning sign is the humble tortoise, which has me in stitches.

The canyon itself is stunning and I would be more impressed had I not seen the Grand Canyon a few days ago.

I enjoy my standard fayre of ham and cheese sandwhiches by the side of the road before heading back to Vegas at the end of a charming day.

The desert has wonderful moonrises. This is actually the eastern sky as the sun goes down in the west, which I drive towards all the way back to the hotel. Beautiful

I saw an absolutely brilliant show at Caesar’s Palace last night. It is in a small circus style tent on the forecourt at the front of the casino. It is about as politically incorrect as you could ever possibly be but VERY, VERY funny. 

 The circus style acts are jaw dropping-ly good too, and because it is such a small tent you are really close to the action.

I loved it and my sides were hurting a one point through laughing so much. Absolutely brilliant. I don’t know if it will ever tour but if it does go see it. You wont regret it.

I noticed that some of the showgirls were rather easy on the eye too.

😉

 Walking through the casino I spotted this statue of Joe Louis whose grave I had stumbled upon in Arlington National Cemetery in Washington DC. Upon reflection I cant say which is the more suitable epitaph for the great man.

The night is young though and I have plenty of life left in me so I am willing to chance my arm once more in the casino itself, and surprise myself by actually winning back the cash I had lost previously.

I did it playing Blackjack for hours at the Pussycat Dolls tables within Caesar’s Palace.

That I was able to concentrate at all given what was going on around me is nothing short of staggering.

My good fortune does not go unnoticed however and after having cashed in I head for the door opening it to allow a lady through first, only to discover that she may not be quite so much of a lady as I first imagined! Passing up her very persuasive proposition I drive the little green surf machine home chuckling like an eight year old school boy all the way back.

I think it is a good job I am leaving Las Vegas on Sunday! It wouldn’t be hard to go right off the rails here.

No this isn’t another interesting road sign. It is a reference to the rating for the Adult Entertainment Expo which started yesterday at the Hard Rock Hotel.

I’m sure you can imagine my absolute distress at hearing that all these attractive young women would be on show for a few days while I am in town. By way of solidarity I went down there to show them some moral support today and forming a one man picket line I must have stared in protest for hours! It was a tough day for me, but somebody had to do it.

On the plus side I got to see the latest installment on the star wars saga. Star Wars XXX – A New Hole.

Sin City, what can you say?

At least there is every chance of seeing one on Sunday. A monster swell is coming this way and the Mavericks break south of San Francisco, which I rather wisely swerved on my way south is going to be absolutely firing this weekend. The Mavericks Invitational event organisd by the great Jeff Clark himself, has been given the go ahead and the contest is being run from 8am Pacific Standard Time (which is 4pm UK time) and will be streamed live on the following link:

http://mavericksinvitational.com/

I have borrowed this aerial shot of the Hoover dam and the equally impressive bypass road which was opened in 2010, both of which span the Black Canyon of the Colorado River. It really shows what a staggering feat of engineering it is, and perhaps why so many lives were lost during it’s contruction in the 1930s. There is enough concrete in the dam to construct a 4 foot wide path around the Earth at the Equator, and it is as thick as two footballs pitches measured end-to-end at its base.

I arrive in the middle of the night on my way back from the Grand Canyon and am expecting it to be closed to the general public. However before the bypass was opened it used to be part of the main road travelling east to west with traffic travelling along the top of the dam itself, and that road is still open even if it is strictly monitored by the local police.

The dam was built to supply drinking water to the local area and generate cheap electricity for the south west of the USA. It is still vital for these purposes and a terrorist target as a consequence, which means both myself and the car have to be checked out by the guards before I am allowed to cross the dam.

Apart from the police cars watching my every move from both sides of the dam there is nobody else there and it is eerily quiet. Again it is like something out of a science fiction movie but fabulous to experience it on my own.

The Grand Canyon is considered one of the natural wonders of the world but the route to its northern rim is more than 6 hours drive from Las Vegas and to the southern rim is 5 hours so I head off reasonably early to ensure I get there. However make a mental note for future reference if crossing terrain like this which includes a desert it is probably a good idea to put some fuel in the car! I am cruising down the road and get well past Boulder City and the Hoover Dam before taking notice of the beeping car which has cried wolf one too many times but is now at the bottom of the red on the fuel guage. Oops!

At a lay by I pull in to see if I can beg some fuel from anybody, but there is none to be had. I have to plow on and spend 20 miles holding my breath, somehow crawling in to the next petrol station over the border in Arizona. I cannot believe the little green surf machine made it. Whilst filling up I meet an Indian Couple (of the Mumbai variety) there who tell me there is another place to view the canyon at the western end, but it entails driving 30 miles across dirt roads, which is where they are heading. Immediately I am up for it and challenge them and their Chevy Malibu to a race because we are both headed the same way.

Our mini Cannonball Run contiunues to the Indian Reservation (of the Hualapai tribe variety) where we can gain access to the Grand Canyon. The road is like this and is a bit of a nightmare following somebody over the loose rocks, ruts, corrugated road surface and hairpin bends that make up the stretch in the Mt Wilson Wilderess Area.

You kind of get your eye in after a while and start getting comfortable tail sliding the car around corners, but sadly I come second because they are able to go far more mental in their rental than I am willing to abuse my VW. I still have a long way to go with this car and want it to make it all the way there.

The Grand Canyon does not disappoint, and is easily way more impresive than the bright lights of Vegas. The Hualapai tribe are in the process of developing this bit of their land to try and bring more wealth into their community and have recently spent a staggering $30m on this skywalk building to attract visitors. The piece you see to the right of the building is a walkway which projects out over the canyon’s edge and there is nothing between its glass bottomed floor and the canyon some 4,500 feet below, which is nearly 1.5 times the height of Snowdon

That sounded like fun but because my Harley dream is not going to happen this time around I opt for the helicopter and river rides through the canyon instead. I cant believe my luck when I am asked if I will take the front seat because nobody else wants to sit there. The pilot knows his stuff and is yanking and banking through the epic scenery. Way better than any thrill ride. Just Awesome. I am a complete numbnuts and despite having two cameras on me decide only to take the gopro and it’s spare battery, only to find both batteries are flat once airborne!

I manage to wring out a few shots from what little juice there is left, but am grateful to the Australian family who have already passed on this shot of me on the Colorado river at the bottom of canyon.

 The canyon really is awesome and nothing I say will do it justice. It is 220 miles of scenery like this. Absolutely breathtaking.

I stick around until just before sunset, marvelling at the way the light changes the view before realising that I have to get back across that dirt road, which will be an absolute nightmare in the dark so I hop in the car and head for the sunset.

Herbie fashion am thrashing through the desert while there is a little light left. It may not be fastest anybody has ever driven down that road, but I am certain it will be the fastest time posted in a Beetle. It is so much fun with the back end sliding around on every corner on the loose surface. I perfect my drift racing technique weaving through loose rocks, and adding photography into the equation is just and added bonus.

I know I went quite quickly but am particularly impressed to see that my efforts have resulted in me travelling back in time ‘Back to the Future’ style even if my car is certainly no Delorean and I am not even sure it will do 88mph!

I actually get to the outskirts of Vegas a day earlier than expected, but to save on a bit of cash I decide to spend a night in the car. When I wake up at 4am with my teeth chattering and the thermometer in the car registering -5C I relise that might have been a mistake! The heated seats and the fan heaters soon sort me out, and after a healthy diner breakfast I check into my hotel that is a block back from Las Vegas Boulevard, which is known as the Strip.

My hotel room has fridge, kettle, two kingsize beds, cable TV, Quick wi-fi and a private bathroom including a bath and only cost £25 a night, so why I didn’t check in a day early I cant say. I treat myself to my first proper soak in about four weeks, because I simply have not had access to a private bathroom, a bath tub or hot water in abundance. Showers are great but this is heaven!

After settling in to my home for the next week I catch up on blog admin and do some shopping for some of the things I will need here an later on my travels. However Vegas is really all about the action at night and the bright lights that go with that so I cant wait to get out and check the strip out. It is possibly the worst place in the world to ba an astronomer because of all the light pollution. You can see the town from about 50 miles away!

It is all very amusing and I do my usual thing of starting at one end of town and walking through checking out everything on the way. It seems hard to believe that less than a hundred years ago only 35 people lived here.

I have never been a huge gambler after learning my lesson from pumping far too much of my hard earned paper round salary into the Golden Goose amusement arcade on Llandudno Pier, and Las Vegas is really only that on steroids. A vast and bewildering array of different ways and themes under which casinos have every intention of making you part with your hard earned money.

Despite statistical probability being overwhelmingly in the casino’s favour I am still willing to chance a few quid and have a lot of fun, as well as enjoying a skinfull of free drinks, as I slowly fritter away the $60 I allow myself playing blackjack and roulette in the Excalibur pictured here.

However looking around at all the other people throwing their cash away with all their might I think there must be some residual effect from the nuclear tests that were undertaken here in the 40s and 50s, which affects peoples ability to think clearly. It is staggering by today’s standards that hotel guests regularly used to come out of the casinos to marvel at the mushroom clouds racing up into the night sky a little way down the valley!

It probably says something about me that of all the places I visit I am most impressed by the Harley Davidson Cafe which has a number of classic Bikes circulating the restaurant suspended from a giant conveyor belt on the ceiling.

It has been a long held ambition of mine to get hold of a Harley and take it for a huge blat across the desert, but outside of the hours between 10am and 4pm, when it is about 60C, it is properly baltic here at the moment and there is ice all over the place. As a consequence I think that dream will have to wait for another time, but it might be a good thing if my own experience were to be anything like Evel Knievel’s on his Harley when trying to jump the fountains at Caesar’s Palace in the 1970s (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYGGCVE2lKY). He broke almost every bone in his body.

I forgot to mention this place I had seen on my way into town. I think a resident of here might possibly be the highest scrabble score ever!